In the words of Horace Mann,
“Habit is a cable; we weave a thread of it each day, and at last we cannot break it.”
Well, firstly I think that often people anticipate some sort of immediate benefit from meditation and are therefore put off when this does not appear. It can be true that, for some people, sitting quietly for 10 to 15 minutes does create feelings of calm and relaxation, which can then encourage that person to keep coming back to their chair, or their cushion, or their mat. However, for others, initially meditation can just create a loud buzz of thoughts and feelings that they would rather keep locked away. Mindfulness has been defined by Jon Kabat-Zinn as “the awareness that arises from paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment and non-judgmentally.” By opening up to what is going on in your mind, you have to notice it all – the good, the bad and the ugly, and that can be difficult and off-putting.
What’s the point in continuing practising then if it’s just going to bring up bad stuff? Well, through cultivating a regular mindfulness practice complete with the non-judgemental approach outlined by Kabat-Zinn, it becomes possible to notice those more difficult thoughts and feelings without getting caught up in them, i.e. without being lead on a merry dance into rumination land. [i] It becomes possible to distance yourself from your negative thought patterns and to see them as “just thoughts” rather than some intrinsic, perhaps shameful, part of yourself. So sticking with the habit is helpful, but managing your expectations of the perceived “effect” in the short vs long term is important if you’re trying to find your regular mindfulness routine.
What’s more, we needn’t always think of mindfulness as just meditation. It really isn’t! Mindfulness can also be practised informally. When we think of mindfulness courses such as the 8-week “Mindfulness for Life” course developed by researchers at the University of Oxford, some of the most important practices are the informal ones. Things like “the raisin meditation”, mindful walking, and mindful teeth brushing. The secret to practising mindfulness is not that you need to somehow find hours and hours of your day to dedicate to sitting meditating, but rather that you can bring mindfulness into your everyday life, practising within the scope of what you already have in front of you.
That said, one of the key pieces of advice for implementing and maintaining a regular formal meditation practice is to set aside a dedicated period of time each day. It does not need to be extensive, in fact I would actively encourage starting small rather than overwhelming yourself too early on. Perhaps link in “meditation time” to a habit that already exists in your day. Some examples could be meditating after waking up as you’re waiting for the kettle to boil, meditating as your computer turns on before starting work, meditating on the train as you commute in and out of work. These are easy ways to make sure you cannot accidentally “forget” your meditation practice because it is linked into another routine part of your day.
In a similar vein, if we follow the sage advice of Virginia Woolf: “A woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write fiction” [ii], then perhaps it follows that a person must have a space of their own in order to meditate – basically, another good way to make your meditation a key part of your day is to have a space dedicated to it. It does not need to be fancy, it does not need to be Instagrammable (but equally it can be!). Having a dedicated space is just another way of reminding yourself to practise (because you see the space and it’s a reminder) but also to enjoy your practice. So perhaps, you sit on your bed and make sure you’re surrounded by comfy pillows which support you and a nice blanket to keep your feet warm; perhaps you sit outside in the garden and allow the sounds and the smell of nature to be part of your practice. Whatever you enjoy, use it to support your meditation – it really does not need to be a chore.
Finally, I am increasingly convinced that the best way to reap the full benefits of practices such as mindfulness is to do them in a community setting. This is another good way to establish a regular routine. Perhaps you set aside time to practise with your family or friends at home, perhaps you find a regular meditation group in your local community or online, perhaps you decide (maybe not immediately but after a little while) that you’re going to attend an annual retreat. All these things are supportive both in that they provide meditation time and space, but that they also hold you accountable.
I really hope that these tips help you on your mindfulness journey. However, I think the final, and most important, tip is not to beat yourself up when things go awry and you miss a day, or a week, or a month… Sometimes life gets in the way and you miss a meditation, or you have to do a shorter practice, or you have to meditate standing up on The Tube squished into someone’s armpit because that’s the only free minute you have. Practising self-compassion is also a big part of mindfulness, and so accept the situation as it is, give yourself a mental hug, and start again tomorrow.
[i] See for example, Williams, M., & Penman, D. (2011). Mindfulness: A practical guide to finding peace in a frantic world. Hachette UK.
[ii] Woolf, V. (2014). A Room of One’s Own:(1929). In The people, place, and space reader (pp. 304-308). Routledge.
